Do you have a sister? Today’s HerStories is from Julie Burton of Unscripted Mom. It is about the bond of friendship and love between sisters, which can be life-changing. How has your relationship with your sister evolved over time?
It was YOU…
Whom I told my parents to take back to the hospital when you were two weeks old because I was done playing with you.
Whom I teased and tormented for most of our early years.
Whose hair I pulled, skin I scratched and pinched, whose head I threw a rock at and who my friend and I tied to a chair because we thought it was funny.
Who finally became my friend before I left for Israel the fall of my junior year in high school. And we were both happy about it.
Who, when I returned home from Israel a mere skin and bones, as the disease of anorexia had ravaged my mind, body and spirit, was so beyond devastated that you needed to shut me out.
It was ME…
Who, after a long and painful recovery, followed by leaving for college out-of-state, and then returning to attend a local university the following year because I wasn’t quite ready to be away, realized that I may have lost one of the most important people in my life.
Who, when I began dating my now husband of 20 years, came to an even bigger realization that I desperately needed to repair the damage I had done to our relationship.
Who wrote letters, called, pleaded, gave you space, begged some more…for you to forgive me, to give me another chance, to believe in me, trust me and believe in our relationship.
It was YOU…
Who finally let me back in—slowly—and allowed us the chance to rebuild.
Who was my maid of honor and became g-dmother to my children, and allowed me to stand by your side as your matron of honor and become g-dmother to your children.
Who loves my husband like a brother and loves and cares for my kids like they are your own.
Who was one of the only people who would take my colicky son for any length of time so I could have a break from his incessant crying.
Who shared the experience of pregnancy with me, giving birth to my niece 6 weeks after my third child was born.
Who, 2½ years later, as we were on the exact same cycle and I was late, was the one to look me square in the eyes and say, “Mine has come and gone, go to the pharmacy, get a pregnancy test, pee on that stick and call me immediately.” Sure enough, you and the stick told me that I was pregnant with my fourth child at age 37.
Who (I didn’t even have to ask) would just be at my door, to take a kid or two, or just be with me, when I was so overwhelmed with mothering four children that I didn’t know if I had the strength to do it.
Who helped me feel less lonely and trapped when my husband’s grueling work and travel schedule often left me alone in taking care of my children.
Who held me and comforted me as I sobbed when a bout of anxiety/depression took me to a very, very dark place.
Who encouraged me to get help and to take care of myself, and told me I deserved to be happy.
Who has missed maybe one or two of all of the hundreds of yoga classes I have taught over the last several years.
Who always has the right dress or pair of shoes for me to borrow.
Who held my hair back when tequila shots and lobster proved to be a toxic combination for me.
Whom people often think is me (and vice versa). And sometimes we just pretend that we are indeed the other.
Who is the keeper of my innermost secrets, hopes, dreams and fears.
Who is, hands down, the most kind, sensitive, caring, warm-hearted person I know.
Whom I love more than words can describe.
For whom I am grateful, every single day.
Who is my sister.
Who is my best friend.
It is YOU and it is ME. Thank G-D.
How has your relationship changed over the years with your sister?
Julie Burton is a writer specializing in any and all aspects of parenting, relationships and finding balance. She is a wife and mother of four children ranging in age from 8 to 18, and soon-to-be author of a tell-all book for mothers. Over the past several years, Julie has interviewed and surveyed more than 400 mothers who gather on the pages of her book to provide a real life portrayal of what in is like to raise children today, from the embryo to the empty nest. Her blog is at Unscripted Mom.
If you’re interested in reading more about the bond between sisters, I have a book review today for the Nerdy Book Club about a novel from my childhood, A Summer To Die by Lois Lowry. It was one of my favorite novels of my early teen years, and rereading it today, I realize how many truths about sisters, families, and grief the novel gets so right.
Don’t forget to enter our giveaway for a copy of Carlin Flora’s book, Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are
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I can relate to this so much. My sister is much younger than I am (seven years). We were never that close growing up because there was too big of an age difference. But we had our first babies within months of each other, and we’ve become so much closer through our shared experience of motherhood. It’s been wonderful to see our relationship develop as adults. Thank you so much, Julie, for sharing your experience with us!
Thank you, Jessica, for sharing this piece. It was the first time I really put the words down on paper about how much this relationship has shaped my life. It felt really good to write. My sister read it this morning and was very moved. Sometimes we have these strong feeling about the people we love and never quite find a way to say them. I am glad I did.
So nice for you that motherhood has brought you and your sister closer. My daughters are 9 1/2 years apart, and right now, with my oldest graduating from high school and my youngest being in 2nd grade, they love each other tons, but are worlds apart. I hope that they, like you and your sister, will connect as adults.
I love this. My sister and I hated each other until I went away to college. She even stole my boyfriend. But somehow distance healed everything and from afar we grew closer and closer. She is my best friend in the whole world, we always joke tat our husbands better not make us choose between them and a sister, because they won’t like the answer 🙂
Wow, if your relationship with your sister survived boyfriend stealing, you two can recover from anything! Love that!
I am an only child and so is my husband and I long for that kind of relationship. Reading this touched me so much and I was praying, as I was reading, for this kind of relationship between my sons.
Jessica – I love the posts in this series, I always find them so uplifting.
Thanks, Katia! We’re loving the pieces too! It’s amazing the range of experiences that women have had…
Even though I don’t have a sister, I do have friends that are like sisters to me, and this piece brought tears to my eyes…I loved the pure honesty and love that come through your words. You are both so fortunate to have each other.
Thank you so much, Emily. I truly meant it when I said I feel gratitude every day for this relationship. We worked hard to make it what it is today and I don’t ever take it for granted. I do believe that woman without sisters can find other women who are indeed like sisters. I have some “like sister” relationships too and cherish those as well. There’s nothing like those women who know you inside and out and love you anyway :).
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I love this so much. What a beautiful post. I never had a sister, but I have two daughters now and I am very curious to see how their relationship evolves over the years. Julie, so thrilled to have you as a HerStories contributor- thanks for sharing your beautiful writing with us.
Stephanie, thank you for your kind feedback, and to you and Jessica for inspiring me to write this piece and providing the wonderful space (HerStories) to share it. I hope that your girls will enjoy their sisterly bond, especially as adults, as life gets more complicated and the need for this kind of closeness increases.
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It’s amazing how magical yet tragic sisterhood can be. My sister and I were very close as kids and as we have grown in age, we have grown apart. I can’t exactly put a finger on it but we were only 18 months apart in age and there was always this underlying current of competing. What we were competing for I’m not sure. I was sick of being the little sister so I tried to blaze my own trail. Then she started to follow my trail and tried to keep up, even pass me up. So I’d start another trail and damn if it didn’t happen again. Someday I hope to have a happy ending like Julie’s. I’m sure this post struck a nerve with so many sisters out there. Thanks for sharing this story!
Hallie, I really hope that you and your sister get there too! It is not easy and it takes two willing parties. Also, the competition piece is very real especially given how close you are in age. For my sister and me, I was the more competitive one. However, she refused to engage in any kind of competition with me and I think that is what saved us. I have experienced other relationships with women in which competition was destructive and toxic. I think that until the competition piece is pretty much eliminated, it is almost impossible to have a true loving, giving friendship. Honestly, my sister has helped me learn how to do this, which is another reason I am grateful for her. It is hard work to overcome a lot of the “stuff” that we carry from our pasts, especially with a sister, but for me, it has been worth it. I wish you and your sister all the best! Thanks for reading!