The astounding increase in the number of “older” parents — those in their late thirties, forties, and beyond — has been called one of the greatest “natural experiments” of our time.
There’s been a lot written lately about how the genetic and social effects of older parenthood are not well-understood and could have frightening consequences. One particular New Republic article written by science writer Judith Shulevitz has gotten a lot of attention. She herself was an older mom, but her child had mild sensory issues that she wonders could be related to her maternal age.
Clearly, a lot of research will need to be conducted about whether the rise in learning issues, autism and related conditions, and attention-deficit problems are at all related to neurological conditions caused by genetic abnormalities associated with older parents.
I wrote a post about being an older mom that has nothing to do with those genetic alarms. It’s called “How I Made Peace With Being a Late Bloomer.” And it has nothing to do with these scientific questions.
To me, this is the point. Women are just living their lives, and I’m not sure how many of them are going to change their career and relationship trajectories because of a very small — but real — potential that their child may have an increased risk for a condition.
Whenever I read about older motherhood in the media, I am curious about the scientific developments. But I also don’t think that these biological facts will affect most women’s choices. Most women don’t “choose” to have a child as late in life as possible. They are working on their careers, they haven’t found a partner, they don’t feel that they have the economic security for parenthood, or they simply know that they aren’t ready. And I think all of these reasons can be perceived as positive developments for women, although age-related infertility can be a painful and difficult challenge.
Were you an “older” mother? Do you regret waiting until later in life to start your family? What would be your advice to younger women today?
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I had mine at 41, 44 and 46. Very early on in my defense I informed my committee that if I threw up it was not because I had something contagious, but because I was about 6 weeks into my second pregnancy. I, really, could not have done this otherwise. I met my husband at 33. My daughter was the first successful pregnancy, and not for lack of trying.
My father has compiled a lot of genealogy of my family. Although lots of the women started earlier (but, not necessarily much earlier, at least not in the generations nearer me), a lot of them also had their last child just about at the same age as I had my second. And, on the paternal side, there is one ancestor who fathered the next when he was 70. Older parents is not something new.
My advice to younger women, and men, is that having kids is fun and not a big deal. And, really, the prospect of not having any (which I was facing) when you would like to have some is just so much sadder. I was very lucky. Some of my friends were not.
I definitely agree that fertility decline with age should be a consideration. I’ve had quite a few friends who’ve had fertility issues, and it’s so painful. I do think that lots of people have kids later, not because of choice, but because they’ve been trying for a really long time and eventually get lucky!
I had my kids at 41 and 42. I didn’t choose to be an older mother. I wasn’t involved in building a career, I simply didn’t meet the right man till I was 37; we married when I was 39. My kids have no particular issues related to my age, as far as I can tell. My older child is on the autism spectrum but it’s hardly noticeable, and he has some mild learning disabilities and some chronic health issues, but so do the children of many young moms.
We all take chances when we have children, or when we adopt children. Overall I’m glad I waited and didn’t decide to either marry the wrong man or do without a husband at all. My family is happy and reasonably healthy. My kids have a secure home.
By the way, my mother was nearly 40 when I was born in 1956. So I come by late motherhood naturally, I guess.
You said it so well, Margaret! We are all taking risks with every choice that we make. Marrying early can also be a risk. Single parenthood can be too. Putting off a career to have children young can be a risk too. There are not necessarily “right” or “wrong” choices for everyone.