I don’t want to talk about “poop” yet with my son.
Am I being a “slacker” mom because I don’t want to think about potty training my 21 month old?
Unlike most other aspects of parenting, I have read nothing about potty training. During pregnancy and during my son’s infancy, I read widely about most aspects of my child’s life: prenatal development, colic, sleep, brain development, toddler discipline. But I just can’t bring myself to care about potty training.
According to a new longitudinal study of Vietnamese babies and their moms, babies can be potty trained at a much younger age than I ever imagined. These babies were mostly out of diapers at nine months old… And they started the potty training process at three months old.
Three months? How in the world did they do this? To put it simply, high expectations, consistent routines and communication.
Starting in early infancy, mothers make a special whistling sound while holding the baby over a potty. When their children were newborns, mothers began examining their babies carefully for the signals — facial, sound, or behavioral — they made if they were urinating. They learned the times of day that their child was most likely to need to use the potty and set a schedule of whistling and returning to the potty. Within several months, all of the infants had learned that the whistling sound indicated that it was potty time. They also learned to sit on the potty on their own.
Because this was a qualitative — or interview — study, the researchers were able to understand in more depth how the women communicated their expectations to these babies. The mothers described an elaborate, ongoing two-way communication process between mother and child. According to the study, the Vietnamese women “were convinced that it was good for their child to learn bladder and bowel control as early as possible, and they were proud to teach them this process.”
At the same time, Western parents begin potty training at later and later ages, often waiting until three or four. According to most American clinicians and the American Academy of Pediatrics, parents are encouraged to begin toilet training when toddlers begin to show signs of “toilet readiness,” involving several psychological and motor developmental milestones that should be reached. What accounts for these cultural differences?
I wonder if this is another example of how we coddle our kids. Is this is another example of American parents who are afraid to instill the sort of discipline, self-control, and consistency that this form of training would require?
Or maybe we’re just exhausted.
Do you think American parents are just so worn out from all the emotional, health, and academic factors that parents have to think about today that they just don’t have the emotional energy or time left to think about potty training at such a young age?
When did you potty train your kid? Did you wait for signs of “readiness” or did you initiate it on your own?
Oh jeez. My son just turned 4 and we’re still working on potty training. Yes, I was too tired when he was a baby. And I also think that potty training has to be the kid’s decision. I felt I controlled so much and I thought it was a great way to teach autonomy. However, I will also predicate this by saying that I make a lot of mistakes as a parent and this may be another:)
I do think that potty training comes at a time when many parents are just so tired and ready to give a kid, as you say, a “sense of autonomy.” After battles with eating, sleeping, and everything else related to infancy and toddlerhood, I think I’m ready just to let this one go!!
I knew a couple from Romania who said that children there were usually potty-trained at 18 months. So it must, to some degree, be a cultural thing. I think U.S. parents keep their children as babies in this respect, but from other cultures, it’s not necessary, if diligence, confidence, and a positive attitude are used. Most parents here stress over it so much. Our nice disposables also make it easier; if American moms had the same diaper situations as moms 50 years ago in under-developed countries, I bet they would have hurried it up!
Yes, that was actually part of the study. The authors said that the lack of good diapers strongly motivated the mothers to potty train their children quickly!
I think it’s definitely cultural. The type of “potty training” you are describing here (and I’ve read about this before, right around the time were expecting our 4th kiddo, but it had a particular name…my mommy brain can think of it now) will only work if the family can consistently get their small infant over a potty or bowl at the right times. That’s a little hard to do when you’re doing things like running your older children to dance or soccer practice, Grandma’s house is a long car ride away, and society doesn’t approve of bare bottoms in public. Our society doesn’t stay home much, and even trained infants need to empty their bladders often. I do someone here in the US who does this sort of training, but she modifies it (she uses diapers when she’s out in public).
oh boy…my 20 month old started showing signs of readiness a few months ago and I tried to force the issue too early and now he is afraid of the toilet. if i’d only known the whistle!
I’d read about this years before I had my baby. But only barely bc I didn’t have a kid. So when my daughter was born, I looked into it. And we tried it when she was 4 months old. She was fidgeting and looking like she was ready to poop, so I held her over the sink and grunted and she pooped! It was amazing.
I was kind of a half assed ec person. I didn’t carry her all the time so I never got the pee cues. But poop is pretty obvious. We caught a lot of poops. When she could sit up, I did what my mom said she did with me and my siblings. Once my daughter woke up in the morning or a nap, we put on the toilet, read some books until she peed. Whenever she peed, we made the pssing sound.
Between 9 and 12 months, I could probably count on one hand the number of poopy diapers I changed. She had started to pause and look at me and sometimes grunt when she had to poo. I imagine its similar to the ability to use sign language.
From 13-15 months, she was walking around a lot and not always near me, so we missed a lot more.
But then we kept telling her, if she felt like she had to go potty, to say “mama, mama, (grunting sound)”. She started to mimic us. Didn’t actually start to do it until closer to 15 months. At 16 months we tried underwear. Too many accidents. But she was coming to us often with her diaper on saying she had to pee or poop. Most of the time after the fact 🙂
By 18 months she could say, mama potty. So we tried underwear again. Too many accidents. More and more often coming to say she had to pee or poop and the diaper was dry.
At 19 months we tried again, too many accidents.
At 20 months we tried underwear again and it clicked. She’s been wearing underwear all day now for the last two months. We’ve probably had about five to ten accidents. All mainly due to her being so active and me not putting her on the toilet when I knew she probably should be going soon.
Rarely did we react negatively to accidents (poop on the pillow and carpet though…that one was annoying). And even now, when she has an accident I try not to over react or make her feel bad. It’s just something that kids do for awhile (my 6 year old nephew peed his pants recently bc he got so busy playing and didn’t make it to the bathroom in time)
And early on we cheered when she pottied, but then we realized that since it is a normal thing, we should treat it as normal. So we stopped cheering all the time and we never had to use a reward system or anything. We just talked a lot. “Where do we go potty” “toilet”. No, no, no diaper. Toilet, yes, yes.
At one point around 18 months I do remember talking to her about her tummy after she pooped in her diaper. That if she can feel something to come get me. I don’t know if that helped or not. But knowledge is power right?
My reason for doing ec was never to get her potty trained early (I was hoping that would happen), but I felt like it must suck to sit in your own poop. And I really wanted her to not be afraid of the toilet and realize what it was for early on.
I know there are lots of different types who do ec and are successful at different levels. Mine was a half assed version and she was potty trained by 21 months! I’m stil amazed by this.
I was trying to find the song on the internet, anyway… I bumped into this site. http://musicsfree.net You should check out. It’s not just music.
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We have five daughters. Ages 9, 7, 5, 3, and 5 months. The oldest was completely potty trained by nine months. (That means day and night time; NO pull-ups.) She would snatch off her diaper when she was wet and scream if she pooped in it. So I bought her old school cotton undies. She loved it. After a little talk about if you pee-pee and poop in the toilet it won’t touch you, and she was fine. We also purchased a step and soap pump just for her at the sink. We purchased a step and toilet seat that fit on top of ours for a toddler. She loved it. (I forgot to mention that she was walking at 8 months.)
Our 7 year old was potty trained by 10 months completely. She was hiding behind the kitchen curtains to pee-pee in her diaper and then snatching it off and then hiding in her closet to poop then would run out screaming because she pooped. LOL! I followed the same practices as before with her. She started walking at nine months. Our 5 and 3 year old were also potty trained at 10 months of age. They walked around nine months.
My husband and I are Americans and people seem to be surprised when they find out our children were potty trained so early. I even had a Md when we moved to SC threaten to turn me in for child abuse, because my daughter was potty trained! I took her to a routine Md appointment. She told me and the nurse she needed to potty. So the nurse showed me where the bathroom was and I took her. When we came out the Md was mad. He yelled at me and told me that I had “forced” my daughter to be potty trained, and that he could report me for abuse. I calmly informed him I did not “force” anything. “Don’t babies cry when they have a wet/dirty diaper to let us know they need to be changed?” He calmed down. I was able to tell him that our older daughter potty trained early also and he acted as though he had some sense. He said he have never known a child younger than 2 or 3 to be potty trained.
Since then I have had friends introduce me to other parents to ask me how we got our children potty trained so early. I just let them know I did what I thought I was suppose to do and what I thought other parents did too. Once our children started walking we just took them to the potty and talk to them about when they feel like they have to go. People have told me you have girls and girls are easier to potty trained. I have also worked at day cares and a pre-school academy and potty trained other peoples children; mostly boys. I just talked to the child’s parents and ask them to have a conversation with their children about bathroom practices/hygiene and knowing when you have to go to the bathroom. The parents purchased undies and brought and extra change of clothing for their children; just in case. Within one week all of the pre-K2 were potty trained.
I have shared this with friends and strangers and each person has told me later their child(ren) were potty trained within a weekend or a week. I kind of don’t understand how this is a big deal, but I have learned it is not as hard as some people have made it out to be.
Hardesty Mom – I’m writing a book on Potty Training and would love to talk with you if you’re interested! If so, please email me: satkins0124@gmail.com. thanks!
We have five daughters. Ages 9, 7, 5, 3 years old, and 5 months old. The oldest was completely potty trained by nine months. (That means day and night time; NO pull-ups.) She would snatch off her diaper when she was wet and scream if she pooped in it. So I bought her old school cotton undies. She loved it. After a little talk about if you pee-pee and poop in the toilet it won’t touch you, and she was fine. We also purchased a step and soap pump just for her at the sink. We purchased a step and toilet seat that fit on top of ours for a toddler. She loved it. (I forgot to mention that she was walking at 8 months.)
Our 7 year old was potty trained by 10 months completely. She was hiding behind the kitchen curtains to pee-pee in her diaper and then snatching it off and then hiding in her closet to poop then would run out screaming because she pooped. LOL! I followed the same practices as before with her. She started walking at nine months. Our 5 and 3 year old were also potty trained at 10 months of age. They walked around nine months.
My husband and I are Americans and people seem to be surprised when they find out our children were potty trained so early. I even had a Md when we moved to SC threaten to turn me in for child abuse, because my daughter was potty trained! I took her to a routine Md appointment. She told me and the nurse she needed to potty. So the nurse showed me where the bathroom was and I took her. When we came out the Md was mad. He yelled at me and told me that I had “forced” my daughter to be potty trained, and that he could report me for abuse. I calmly informed him I did not “force” anything. “Don’t babies cry when they have a wet/dirty diaper to let us know they need to be changed?” He calmed down. I was able to tell him that our older daughter potty trained early also and he acted as though he had some sense. He said he have never known a child younger than 2 or 3 to be potty trained.
Since then I have had friends introduce me to other parents to ask me how we got our children potty trained so early. I just let them know I did what I thought I was suppose to do and what I thought other parents did too. Once our children started walking we just took them to the potty and talk to them about when they feel like they have to go. People have told me you have girls and girls are easier to potty trained. I have also worked at day cares and a pre-school academy and potty trained other peoples children; mostly boys. I just talked to the child’s parents and ask them to have a conversation with their children about bathroom practices/hygiene and knowing when you have to go to the bathroom. The parents purchased undies and brought and extra change of clothing for their children; just in case. Within one week all of the pre-K2 were potty trained.
I have shared this with friends and strangers and each person has told me later their child(ren) were potty trained within a weekend or a week. I kind of don’t understand how this is a big deal, but I have learned it is not as hard as some people have made it out to be.